It was same time last year and
the year before that when life taught me the hard way out, maybe ridding
through broken glasses of relations or tough times regarding where your future
lies. The path is same, the pattern of teaching is same (oh yeh I so very love
this cruel teacher at times), even the pain taken to ride through the path is
same, but the teaching is simply – “Priceless”.
I couldn’t find a better place to write this article as I always do, 2 years
back it was the 40th floor of my hotel in Malaysia, last year it was
the Lonavala Lake at night 3 o’clk and this year on the hospital table on the receiving
end for a change this time, places I always think of but always would preferred
or would have preferred having friends around but unfortunately it’s a sole man
race every time.
Well
about the phase, I really don’t know why I am always so eager at this time of
the year to write but trust me it never feels better to write when your life is
full of debacles and you have nothing to lose, the world then looks likes place
full of busy people who do strive day and night and try to buy some peace but
in the end try to find out solutions to their already existing problems. In short
everyone has their own one so do I and trust me mine are the best problems that
one can get, they never let me feel lonely. True about the loneliness part coz
in midst of my 3 rounds to hospital and 2 bottles of glucose along with a day
full of tests done to ensure if I am going to survive tomorrow or not (don’t worry
that my style of writing in a joking mood, normal tests I mean), I was alone in
the place. But as it is said, the bad times teach you a lot, here was a reply
which maybe no doctor would have ever told me in last 8 years of my work which
more or less happened in hospitals, “They say it’s easy to be God coz he has
powers and he is supreme, it’s easier to be a human coz they expect something,
they either get it or they don’t get it and they either feel bad or good about
the same. But it’s tuff to be an angel and I am looking at one in front of me. You
have helped close to 17 cases in this place, you never knew the patient, but I saw
you here till the patient was fine. Now comes the day when you need a human to
take care of you and you don’t find one or don’t have one and strangely you don’t
expect anyone. Strange to know that a guy who then helps 100s has no one
besides him when he needed help and moreover he doesn’t expect anyone to be
here. Its tuff to be an angel, nice to see one when I am still a human.” Trust
me this worked more than the glucose bottle that was still riding on my hand
but such instances tend to make me more stronger and harder within and most
preciously it keeps saying that you still can do it.
Relationship
wise nothing improved from last year, in fact the number of friends or good
friends dropped down exponentially when I came back to my hometown. I had tons
to count on 2 years back and now there hardly seem to be a handful besides. Well
that’s life as it says, its gets tougher and it gets rockier as it moves ahead.
I still don’t know what kept me single all these 2 years but things move ahead
for the good and I feel the worst is yet to come. Simply because life keeps testing
you and the moment you pass the test, the test gets tougher. This thing doesn’t
bob me down but I sometimes feel how much more intense can it get. The only
lesson that I was taught in this downward journey on losing on the count of
friends is that living alone is possible and that too without expectations from
others. I know roads ahead are ruff but that’s the way life goes and I am ready
for it.
Well
with the health aspect, again nothing has bettered, but trust me these 2
friends and so called enemies of mine seem to be the most joyous and company
boosting lads I have ever met. One stood for 4 years (and still counting, I
really thought he left me) and other one a 2 year old buddy, good than the
best. ‘Dehydration’ and ‘Bronchitis’ as the world knows them and me
respectively in the line above. Going through this really tuff phase of life
when demands are quite high but I ain’t amongst the ones who gives up with
health reasons in life. It feels pretty proud rather to know that you stand up
and deliver to the many who need you, most importantly without expecting
anything in return. Who cares for tomorrow, just live life for today, help others
if you can coz that’s what differs you from animals, you don’t know if you may
survive the night or not so don’t waste yourself.
Debacles
are many, failures are in tons to count on, much more than what I face in these
last 2 years. Just got a message from my friend who asked me a simple question,
“Why don’t we win in competitions even when we know we are the best???” Ethical
and logical question it was I suppose but I tried to give away some philosophy I
read in some books some time back saying, “Rome was not built in a day so would
be our success.” Yeh seems good to type and I definitely know it is never good
to listen but I know the reality behind the game in here. I guess he went with
the wrong partner who learns through his debacles and failures and not success.
Or maybe the he went wrong in selecting the right guy in terms of luck I suppose.
And trust me the efforts we gave were more than commendable and worth an Oscar or
a Noble (yeh I am good at hyping things, try asking my ex if you need
examples), but trust me we always ended 2 or 3 centimetres short. It been 27
competitions, I lost in all, the closest I could move was a 3rd
spot, it is the same which happened last year. The thing what I am proud of all
those 27 failures is that firstly I am not scared of any more failures and secondly
and most importantly, each and every single failures teaches me a lot and helps
me grow and get better. It is difficult to explain this to a neutral but only
thing in this article what I feel bad for is I bring upon failures to the rest
along with my own. Hope so I change this and divert them towards a better
partner or teammate than what I can possibly be.
I
may be clueless of what’s coming, no one in and near commitment (yeh yeh it’s
the same thing every year, I am still single), with friends leaving every week –
maybe by choice maybe by force of career, health deteriorating faster than a
retard’s mental health condition, failures on rise like the BSE rising every
Minute every Second, life seems difficult from the way I look at it. But trust
me it is the same and it was the same and I love it for it teaches me something
new every day with every incident. It may seem hopeless but every day it pumps
in tons of adrenaline when I get up to resist these heavenly horrors of life.
Most importantly I have god and my parents with me who seem like an unbreakable
shell of protection when it comes to difficulties in life, they may not show a
path but they help me come up with a path of my own. Even if I do think of
giving up, I really don’t know how to give up, pretty difficult thing, so I end
up trying and failing again. Well it’s not that I don’t try to win but after
giving in my effort I don’t expect anything till the results are out. I guess that’s
life, I don’t know how would I go through this tuff phase in life when I maybe
needed a mentor or friends to take me out, but I guess destiny has decided its
path as ever and I have to make it out all again alone. Been there, done that
before, succeeded and would succeed again. That’s what I love my life for coz
it’s difficult and no one but me has the privilege to live it.
Regards,
Abhijeet (Gladi).
[P.S. – Readers from last 2 years
post may relate in a better way to this, for others happy reading.]
